On the surface, these two things could not be more different. Look a little closer, however, and I think you’ll agree they have a lot in common. To begin with, they are both delicious. Perhaps that opinion is not shared by enough people to convince you of its merit, so here is a more substantial list for your consideration:
- They can be enjoyed with an almost endless assortment of toppings and sauces. (Donuts: glaze, chocolate, caramel, sugar, cinnamon, custards, creams, jelly, coffee etc… Dulmas: tzatziki, humus of a wide stretch of flavors, dressings, stew etc… Granted, there is very little overlap in these variant sauces as you’re not likely to dip your donut in tzatziki or your dulma in coffee, but that is hardly the point.)
- Both are versatile. you can find them in disposable packaging and eat them on the go, or discover they’ve earned gourmet status in culinary circles.
- They both look great displayed on a plate.
- They both start with ‘D’. (okay, not a very powerful example, I admit.)
- They are deceptively simple in their finished form, because they are outlandishly time-consuming to prepare.
This last similarity is why I am writing this post. I like doing difficult things and, therefore, sometimes bite off more than I want to keep chewing. But when, if ever, should I just stop, versus push through?
I just finished making dulmas to bring to my sister-in-law’s house for dinner tonight. that was a deceptively easy, fourteen word sentence to write. It took 4 grocery stores, a specialty greek market and five hours to accomplish. They are delicious, by the way!
When I was at the greek market, the guy behind the counter asked me who was going to do all the work to make the dulmas. When I told him I was, he looked at me skeptically. Maybe he thought I didn’t look Greek enough (I am definitely not, but my maternal grandfather was Syrian). Or, maybe, he just understands how difficult and time-consuming they are to prepare. Maybe his skeptical look was an attempt to dissuade me from putting forth effort he had decided was not worth it. I was undaunted, I simply replied, “Yeah, but they are delicious!” and walked out with my three jars of brined grape leaves.
I don’t feel this way about everything. Like, for example, I tried to make donuts once. If you want to eat a donut you made, right now, you would need to have started making it thirty hours ago. And, at least by my estimation, it will be exponentially less tasty and more expensive than the one you could buy at Duncan (yes, Duncan, NOT, Krispy Krap) five minutes down the road. For me, the effort required to make donuts is absolutely, positively not worth it.
I think there is a clear law of diminishing returns at play here. There are some things (dulmas) that require a good deal of effort, but the payoff is worth it. There are also some things (donuts) that require so much effort that they are not worth doing, and dare I say, worth stopping even if you’re fifteen hours in with flour all over your kitchen.
Discerning the difference between these things when you encounter them in something concrete, like cooking, can be somewhat easy to sort out. But what if you’re facing a tension like this in your job or important relationships. I’ve been in this situation countless times and sometimes struggle to know how to make good decisions.
said plainly, when is it appropriate to quit?
There is an ethic of stick-to-it-ness that is held in very high regard in our society, and for very good reason. You and I will never achieve the things that bring us true joy and fulfillment if we are plagued with the inability to follow through. I think developing a sense of personal integrity and self-trust begins in the ethic of stick-to-it-ness and is essential to a healthy productive life. And, in general, finishing something you started is, in most cases, the right choice!
On the other hand, life is short, and maybe you, like me, have occasionally found yourself covered in flour, frustrated, discouraged and with no indication that donuts will be ready anytime soon.
Consider your life. if you’re the kind of person who eats nothing but fast-food and TV dinners, if you have a long string of short-term, shallow relationships, if you’ve bounced between jobs, never settling into a career that brings you joy, if you’ve never accomplished something hard, run a 5K, had a kid, stayed in your marriage, volunteered in your church, or something that would indicated you have developed stick-to-it-ness, then, this post isn’t for you. You should push through! Make the donuts, even if they taste like dung and cost you $50 dollars. Then, start running to work off both your donut belly and your sloth.
On the other hand, if you can see evidence all around your life that you are a stable, hard-working, committed, faithful friend, spouse, employee/boss, churchgoer and citizen and you find yourself exasperated in a pursuit you’ve committed yourself to, consider that, perhaps, it’s not you. If the effort you’re putting in far exceeds the benefit you (or the people you love) may get out of it, perhaps you’re in the middle of making donuts not dulmas, and maybe you could stop and save your strength for something more valuable.
I certainly could never tell you what you should do, but maybe you could use this filter to ask yourself an important question, “Am I making donuts or dulmas?” Life is short. Write a good story.
johnallenbishop 